1st Choice's Shadow.

*Note: This is in general and not specifically for my love*


She is the woman you invisioned all your life. The one who has all the imperfections within her that makes her perfect to you. The one that looks like everything you've ever imagined. The girl that at first glance, you knew was the one. With No hesistation, no rethinking, and with no second thoughts; you knew you had to have her. Past all your feelings of intimidation as a results of the dominate way she carries herself, you are willing to make that risk..to risk it all.Her captivating smile and enchanting charm that lets you know that God has answered your silent prayers. She has both the brains and beauty you have been searching for your whole life.She repersents all that you want and need in a woman...Thats not me.

But i come in second place.I am the one, one must look deep down and search long and hard to find to find just a resemblance of ones 1st choice. Since they have never met her yet, they think it is me. You ask why would i would come up with an excuse for my insecurity? My ability to formulate such a "trite" excuse for why im second choice? Maybe its because it took them months to realize that i am the "one". Maybe it's because they looked and tried everyone around me before they focused on me. Like they purposly avoided me to make sure i wasn't a mistake; to test them out first.Maybe its because of the things they would do in my face with other infatuations without regardess to me. Maybe its because i never start with a clean plate. There is always some sort ot of burn or stain or maybe even leftovers still on my plate that i have to accomadate to make things work. And i dont want to accomadate but it seems like that all i will ever get...scared plates. All i want is just to be a dream girl...mrs. first choice. But first impressions kill my dreams of that ever occuring..not mines, their actions scare the future.
There is nothing, absolutly nothing one can do to make me unthink these thoughts because the past is done. All the actions towards our first impressions of each other will never unfold in my mind. I end up loving with all thats within me and it hurts to know that one had to search really hard and long and rethought me for the word "us" to only become visible to the definition of me and them.Yet when we get together, you act as if you longed loved me from the start...but we both know that IS and FOREVER will be a lie.Whether it's a state of how one gets around one's property/possesions or not that cause them to show so much emotions towards me...i will never know.

....im guessing 1st place isn't my destiny...but i am forced to forever live in her shadow...such a curse to never be her ='(